Lend Me Your Eyes, I Can Change What You See
by Aimemoimoins
Summary: Alec before Magnus. Magnus before Alec. They meet, and everything changes.
1. the truth vs The Truth

**Disclaimer:** No they are not mine, nor is the universe they live in. Oh that they were!

**a/n:** I have never done a multi-chapter fic so bear with me here. I have plans for this one… vaguely. I'm sorry if it starts off slow, I want to set things up a bit. I like to know what people are thinking, gives insight into characters—but I promise, there will be dialogue and interaction later on. Feel free to comment, R&R, and correct any mistakes! I insist.

--- Alec's POV----

He had always pitied mundanes- going about their lives completely unaware of the world that lay just beyond their glamour-glazed gazes. Sure, there were quite a few unpleasant realities that they were protected from. But Alec had always felt that the truth was worth it, no matter how ugly. That is—until a certain red-haired mundie walked in on a run-of-the-mill demon recon mission all those months ago and revealed that the world, as he knew it, was a façade, propped up by bold-faced lies and half-truths. Even the facts, the events, the _people_ he had never once doubted. The Clave, Jace, his parents, and most surpising of all… himself.


	2. Decision

---_Alec's POV_—

He'd cared for Jace so deeply and for so long that he had never even considered the possibility of finding happiness with someone else. For Alec, there was never really a moment of "discovering" or "realizing" he was interested in men. There was only Jace. Always Jace. He knew it was wrong, looked down upon, but it wasn't until years later he realized his feelings for Jace indicated a preference for men. Still, it didn't matter. Only Jace mattered.

But even as a child, just coming to terms with the depth of his feelings towards his parabati, he knew that it could never be.

Because the feelings weren't returned.

Because he was a shadowhunter- a warrior.

Because the Clave would disapprove, his parents would disapprove.

Because he wasn't brave enough, strong enough, he wasn't good enough for Jace Wayland.

Even if Jace did have a preference for men in fighting gear, Alec wouldn't have a chance. Jace would never be interested in someone so plain, someone so weak. No one would.

So this was his secret. His exception to his long-held belief in _Truth Above All Else._ He decided a long time ago to keep his interest in guys in general and Jace in particular to himself.

He was better off keeping these feelings bottled up and letting them gnaw at him every time he watched Jace's eyes light up when he spotted Clary's small frame in the distance. He was better off letting it all fester as he watched Isabelle flit from one boy to the next, irrespective of species, without having to worry about the Clave passing judgment on her love life. He was better off letting it kill him inside every time he witnessed a rare moment of intimacy pass between his parents- a shared glance, a private touch, knowing he could never have that with anyone, no matter how much he craved it.

Alec made his decision. He was going to follow the same mantra with his feelings that he followed when fighting demons: **It's always best to err on the side of caution.**


	3. Oh Man is a Giddy Thing

_--- Magnus' POV---_

The Magnus Bane of today was so sure of himself that you could almost _see _the confidence seeping from his pores. But he wasn't always like this. There was a time when Magnus hated himself. Hated the blue sparks that crackled around his fingertips whenever he lost control of his emotions. Hated the telling amber eyes that betrayed the demon in him.

There were whole decades of his life that he'd nearly forgotten. They floated in his mind as blurs of exotic drugs taken in exotic places with an array of gorgeous exotic men. A few warm hazy memories of hot flesh peppered with vague recollections of several petty rivalries, an all too common occurrence in his line of work.

But those first few years of his life, now so far in the past, he remembered them with the same sharp clarity with which he perceived the present.

It took a great deal of rigorous training, restraint, and introspection to get him to where he is now. It was a difficult time in his life. A time when he had felt universally reviled by everyone he had ever cared about. He'd lashed out and done things that he regretted to this day. By the time the Silent Brothers found him, he was unreachable. He'd built a well-fortressed island deep within himself where he could be safe from ever having to suffer that kind of pain again. Even the Brothers handled him as though he were some kind of strange and deadly animal. He had no doubt that they had saved him—and he was duly thankful for it --- but he also held no naïve delusions of them harboring any sort of gentle familial affections for him.

In the end he'd taken everything he hated about himself **and owned it**. Once he accepted himself as a warlock, he realized he wasn't half bad at the whole magic thing. In fact, he was quite good at it. From then on- he took charge of his life and his emotions, and he hadn't once lost control since.

For centuries after that, Magnus lived the high life. He went through phases and friendships at an exceedingly rapid pace. He'd learned pretty early on that serious attachments weren't the best idea if you're going to live forever— they never last.

Warlocks, as a people, weren't really the type to band together anyway. They didn't form covens or roam in packs like vampires and werewolves. They were loners. They held a degree of structure and hierarchy, partially upheld by the Clave, but for the most part- they stayed out of each other's way. Which suited Magnus just fine.

He quickly clawed his way into a position of some import and finally found an era and place he felt at home in. High fashion, Over-consumption, Superficiality- it was _perfect_. He had everything anyone could ever want- money, power, an endless sea of adoring fans, a fresh set of designer clothes, quite literally, at his fingertips, as well as colleagues and peers who at once feared and respected him. As they should. Even better, he had all of eternity to revel in it.

And revel he did. He threw the meanest parties in all five boroughs of the Greatest City on Earth. The kind of parties that, the next morning, left all of the guests with a splitting headache and a fixed conviction that it was the best night of their lives, though they couldn't remember a single moment of it.

This was proving to be one of the peaks of his long life. He would just continue to live as he had been since the day he left the City of Bones: surrounded by people, yet completely alone. No one and nothing would influence his life and how he lived it but him. He was motivated solely by his own interests and desires. It was the best way to freely indulge in everything this brilliant age had to offer. That was the only rule that guided his lavish lifestyle: **Never let anyone in.**


	4. A Second to Breathe

**a/n: I want to clarify, though I haven't been posting- I **_**have **_**been writing. But I'm a strange one, I tend to write by hand and then transfer it over onto the comp. It's been hectic so I haven't been able to type up much recently. But enough with the excuses- read this short chappie and very soon I will post a much longer one. I promise. ****  
**  
_ALEC: POV_

Alec felt the acid churning in his stomach as he turned onto Broadway. He couldn't do this. There was no way he could do this. There was still time. He could turn around right now and head back to the Institute and no one would be the wiser.

No. No, he couldn't do that. That would make him a coward. He would not back down. It was just coffee. He loved coffee. True... it was coffee with a Warlock who would no doubt already be at the shop when he got there. Covered in Glitter. Wearing ridiculously tight and obnoxiously loud clothing. And smiling that knowing smile of his. By the Angel, he couldn't do this.

Alec stopped abruptly in place. A surprisingly burly mundane girl bumped into him as she tried to walk around him.

"Watch where you're stopping dude! It's a sidewalk. Emphasis on the WALK, it's not a fucking Side-Stop-and-Go... shit..."

Alec had the grace to give her an apologetic smile, but was in no mood to respond as the brunette walked on, grumbling to herself. She was right. He shouldn't just stand here. But he wasn't sure he was ready to continue on towards his destination. His destination being Magnus Bane. In a coffee shop. Waiting for him.

Alec looked around him and noticed a Duane Read Pharmacy nearby; he quickly shuffled through the door as his mind continued on with his train of thought. There was no way he could imagine Magnus _the Magnificent_ sitting around exchanging small talk with the customers and sipping an espresso at some hum-drum mom and pop coffee shop. Not that he knew Magnus... at all. They'd only met once… well... technically twice in one night. And from what Alec remembered, Magnus looked an awful lot like those unnaturally tall and skinny, golden-skinned models he occasionally noticed plastered all over walls and billboards throughout the city. Flashy over-the-top outfits and all. Alec got the distinct feeling that he wasn't just dressing up for a party, that it was in fact Magnus' day-to-day get up.

Alec's mind wandered back to that night, when he had rushed back to Magnus' apartment, flustered and out of breath... what was he thinking? How did he end up here?

Oh yeah, how could he forget?... It was the same reason that drove him to do every other dangerous, embarrassing, stupid, out-of-character thing he'd ever done his entire life...

Jace.

**a/n: next up: FLASHBACK. I know you may be confused, but don't worry- all will be revealed. And Malec dialog. I know, I'm a tease, but things are finally moving along now.**


	5. Without Me

**a/n: For those who need a refresher on COB: This is a flashback. Set right after the gang leaves Magnus' party and Jace and Clary run off without explanation to go find rat-Simon, who has been taken by the bloodsuckers.**

_-FLASHBACK-_

"Isabelle, I think they're gone," Alec turned around, running a short distance the way they had come. "They are... they're GONE!" Alec shouted back to his sister, who looked utterly unconcerned.

"Calm down Alec—I'm sure they just fell behind for some privacy… Not that big a surprise considering the way Jace has been eying Clar-" She caught herself mid-sentence and looked up at Alec guiltily. She took a couple steps towards him before she noticed how determined Alec looked to ignore her remorse.

"That's not the point right now." He responded quickly.

"I'm sorry Alec, I just—"

"Why are you apologizing? Can we just focus on the situation at hand? 15 minutes ago Jace and Clary were trailing behind us, whe—"

"And Simon."

"What?"

"Jace, Clary, and Simon were behind us."

"Right. So sorry. How could I forget the foolish mundie who drank a fairie concoction and got himself turned into a rat?" His tone was drenched in sarcasm as he tried to bring the conversation back to the point. He was trying to be patient with her since he wasn't entirely sure she had completely sobered up yet.

"It wasn't his fault. I really should have…."

"OKAY. ENOUGH ABOUT THE MUNDANE. NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE MUNDANE," His reservoirs of patience were officially dry. "Jace is gone. He made up some excuse and ran off with only an untrained, unprepared, poor excuse for a shadowhunter whose suffering from magical amnesia and you're precious freaking RAT!." Alec was gasping now, unaccustomed to loosing his cool and raising his voice.

Isabelle stared at Alec, shocked by the outburst. She knew it was triggered by concern but it really wasn't like him.

"Seriously, Alec, I'm sure they're just around the corner or something. Don't worry so much." Isabelle laid her hand on his shoulder, hoping to comfort him a little.

"How could I not worry? In the past 2 days that girl has put Jace's life at risk so many times that I've already lost count! And he just keeps following her around like a blind man." Isabelle tightened her grip on his shoulder, trying to get through to him.

"Oh, and she's to blame for that? Come on, you know how Jace is…"

"I don't care about whose fault it is!" He turned as if to walk away, "What I care about is-"

Isabelle kept her grip on him, forcing him to look back at her. They locked eyes. "I know what it is you care about, Alec." She said it with such conviction that Alec was tempted not to argue. But he couldn't waste his time here going back and forth with her. He took a deep breath, calming himself before responding evenly.

"Well, if you know… then let me go Isabelle."

Isabelle paused for a second, searching his eyes, before reluctantly loosening her grip and letting her hand fall to her side.

"Just be careful okay?"

He turned his back to her and began walking swiftly away before mumbling over his shoulder, "When am I ever _not_ careful?"

**a/n: Next up- long awaited Magnus and Alec goodness! And for those who are curious, it will be a continuation of the current flashback.**


	6. The Plunge

_- FLASHBACK CONTINUED-_

Alec stood there, staring at the dark metal door. He had no idea he'd be back here so soon. The embossed letters glinted on the nameplate just above one of the buzzers: BANE.

Alec took a deep shaky breath. He would need to calm himself before seeing the Warlock again. He remembered their last interaction before he left the apartment earlier that evening

_The warlock turned his gaze toward Alec, cocked one delicate eyebrow up and winked, "As for you. Call me?"_

He felt his face warming up as the memory played in his head. If he went up to the apartment right now, the warlock would probably take it the wrong way. As some sort of… admission or reciprocation or something like that.

And Isabelle. Oh Angel. If Isabelle found out that he had paid Magnus Bane a visit she would never let it go. She'd already made her feelings about the warlock quite clear before Jace had run off. She thought Bane was _nice. _That him and Alec could be _friends._

There was no way he was going to befriend a sparkling downworlder. This was strictly a business call. He needed to get quick information from a warlock and Bane was the closest Warlock he could think of. In fact, he was the only warlock he actually knew by name- even if they had only met a few hours ago. That was it. Pure business.

He took another fortifying breath and pressed the buzzer.

" OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS DAMNED! WHAT DO YOU WANT **NOW**?" Maybe this wasn't a good time.

**a/n: and so it begins.**


	7. Casting Burdens

**a/n: Look you guys! LONG CHAPTER! Don't get too used to it... sorry. **

_-CONTINUATION OF FLASHBACK-_

"Um… Bane?" Alec cleared his throat. "Magnus Bane?" He put his question to the intimidating voice behind the speaker as though he hadn't just been in that exact spot a few hours ago and didn't know exactly whom he was speaking to.

"If you don't tell me who you are, what you want, and how much you're going to pay me for it in the next ten seconds, I'm done with you."

"Oh, I'm Alec. Alec Lightwood. The shadowhunter from earlier. And I came here because I really need you're help…" He paused as he listened to the warlock yawn from the other end.

Magnus sighed and responded lazily. "I should really send tonight's bill to the Clave if they insist on sending their Nephilim to me."

"No. This has nothing to do with the Clave. Listen… Can I come up?"

There was a long pause and Alec found himself holding his breath as he waited for the warlock to respond.

"You said your name was Lightwood?"

"Yes. Alec Lightwood." He responded cautiously. Why should his name matter?

"The smashed brunette's brother?"

He remembered him.

"Yes."

Alec could practically hear the slow self-satisfied grin splitting across the warlock's face at his reply. He nearly jumped when a loud buzzing noise signaled the unlocking of the door. He pushed the door open and worked his way up the stairs, careful to avoid the still sticky railing.

Alec felt the anxiety creeping back into his system. He needed to focus. This was business. Just business. A warlock and a shadowhunter conducting a business transaction. _Business, business, business._

He looked up as he continued up the stairs. There was the warlock's tall frame leaned up against the doorframe, his dark hair still slightly jelled up and his lips still tinted blue but his eyes were noticeably devoid of glitter. It made the long dark lashes framing his tired eyes even more distinct. Alec looked down at his feet to avoid being caught observing the man so closely.

Magnus watched him as he made his way up the final steps, stopping just one step below him. He was surprised to see the boy back here so soon. But he wasn't unhappy about it. Even if it meant being dragged out of bed for the second time that evening. The boy looked up at him again.

"Hello again, Mr. Bane. I have a business proposal for you."

"_Hrmph_," Magnus couldn't hold in the grunt of laughter. "What? Are you kidding me?" He held his palm out towards the inside of the apartment to allow Alec to pass. "I think we're past the formalities, Alexander. Come on in."

Alec frowned as he walked into the apartment, the warlock trailing behind him. He heard the door close and turned to face him. He felt uncomfortable being back here with no one else around. The last time he was here the place was filled with music and downworlders of all shapes and sizes. Now, they were alone. Maybe that's why he had been so awkward. He knew it was strange to call him Mr. Bane, but he had no idea he was going to say it until the words slipped out of his mouth. And even he heard how odd it sounded. Fine. Maybe it was too much. But the way Magnus was smirking at him was even worse. And something else was still bothering him. He didn't come here for chit-chat but he had to ask.

"If we're so _past formalities _why did you call me Alexander? Nobody calls me by my full name."

That annoying smirk only seemed to get wider.

"Mm. I noticed." _What does that mean?_

"That isn't an answer."

"Isn't it?" His white teeth flashed as Alec's frown deepened.

"Why are you talking in circles?"

Magnus sighed and rolled his eyes. "It's called flirting, _Alexander._"

Alec visibly paled and took an unconscious step back.

"I'm- What? - No, I just- Will you stop calling me that? Can't you just give a straight answer?"

Magnus took a step towards him and talked slowly, his eyes wandering towards the ceiling as he thought.

"Well, if you insist on a _straight_ answer, I can't really help you. But mostly I'd say it was more of a reflex then a decision. And if I had to actually analyze it, I'd say there are two reasons."

"Well, just tell me so we can move on." This was not why Alec was here. He was supposed to be gone already. But now he was genuinely curious.

Magnus graciously chose to ignore the boy's pushy manner. He wasn't used to being ordered around, let alone by a child. But to have him standing in front of him, so interested in something as simple as the way he chose to call his name was—strangely satisfying to Magnus. In fact, he was surprised to notice how much he was enjoying this.

"Well—the first reason is simple enough. It suits you. The name fits you nearly as well as my favorite leather boot cuts."

Alec shuddered at the analogy. Sounds like his assumptions about the warlock's fashion sense were spot on. But the answer was not nearly sufficient enough, and the warlock knew it. It sounded as though he were just teasing him.

"Magnus." Hm… yes, Magnus could definitely get use to the boy calling him by his name.

Magnus bowed his head and watched Alec from under his lashes as he spoke. "What I mean is, the name Alexander, reminds me of a time when men were civil and chivalrous and had a lust for life and knowledge like nothing this age can replicate."

The boy's face went through such a gamut of expressions that it was difficult to tell if he was disgusted or pleased with the answer he received. Magnus snapped his head up to look straight at Alec and quickly finished his thought before Alec could react.

"And beautiful. They were also beautiful."

Alec's face was wiped clear of all expression then as he stared back at Magnus, his mouth slightly open. Magnus watched him blink, once, twice, thrice.

Alec searched Magnus' face for a condescending grin or a seductive smirk, anything to suggest he was still toying with him- mocking his inexperience or generally being every bit the equal-opportunity philanderer he seemed to be. But he didn't see it. Nothing he could use to fuel some kind of anger or annoyance at his words. And he didn't have the energy to feign it right now. Not with Magnus looking at him like _that_. Not when he had just called him beautiful. That's what he was saying right? Magnus thought he was beautiful. A flash of golden hair and piercing blue eyes flickered in his mind and the elation that was threatening to spread through him suddenly ran cold.

"I came to ask about Jace." He said abruptly.

"Oh." Magnus looked disappointed. Surprised. And hurt. Though he quickly put on a careless expression, Alec hadn't missed the emotions there. The High Warlock of Brooklyn was disappointed because Alec Lightwood had mentioned his parabatai. It was a surreal realization.

As surprised as Alec was by Magnus' apparent hint of jealousy, he was even more shocked to find that he was more than slightly pleased by it. No one had ever been jealous of anything Alec had done. No one had ever cared enough. The thought embarrassed him, he felt selfish and petty. He wasn't here for a self-esteem boost.

"Jace went off with Clary a little while ago and I'm worried that she'll get him into trouble. Actually, I'm sure of it."

"Ah yes. I see." The warmth in Magnus voice was long gone.

"So, I was hoping you could do a location spell to find out where they went."

The playful grin was nowhere to be found. Magnus was still looking at Alec but his stare had turned hard. It didn't look right on him. Alec felt like he was being attacked by those feline eyes and he refused to give in, staring right back at him. But he felt himself falter as Magnus' eyes practically dived into him, trying to glean some information from inside him, analyze him, come to some conclusion.

"And then what?" Magnus' voice matched his stare: harsh and cold. Alec was confused by the sudden question, still reeling from the mental warfare of their staring match.

"What?"

"Let's say I find you're little shadowhunter…."

"He isn't _my _shadowhunter." Alec wanted to kick himself for interrupting so forcefully. Only after saying it did he realize how much the quick response gave away. Damn it. What was wrong with him tonight?

"Okay then. Let's say I find that arrogant prat of yours-"

"Magnus!"

"Self-absorbed d-bag?"

"Why do you hate him so much? You just met him!"

"Hm. Let's see… he crashed my party, harassed my guests, vandalized their property, threatened me and then demanded details about my private business affairs."

Alec had nearly forgotten how rude Jace had been earlier. That's how Jace always was.

"Point taken, but tone down the name calling. He's really not that bad." A little white lie won't hurt anybody. "He wasn't himself tonight. He's not normally like that." Okay, a big black lie can't be that bad either.

"I'm sure." Magnus sounded unconvinced.

Alec sighed deeply. He was tired of defending Jace's behavior and apologizing for his actions. It felt like it was a part of his job: Train. Fight demons. Protect humans. Apologize for Jace. Just another day.

"Alexander. If I find him for you, what will you do?" Magnus' eyes had softened again. He sounded concerned. Alec responded without hesitation.

"Go after him."

"I can't let you do that."

"What do you mean?"

"If he wants to go put his neck on the line—fine, it's his choice. But you shouldn't go rushing after him and get yourself hurt as well."

"I'll be okay. I'm a shadowhunter. It's what we do."

"So is he. And he doesn't always need you to-"

"You don't understand. We're parabatai. He does need me. He always needs me. He always will." He recited the words that he had repeated to himself and to Isabelle many times over the years.

"I do understand, Alexander," Was that pity in the warlock's voice? "I understand exactly." Alec refused to look at Magnus. He didn't want to see that same pity reflected in his eyes.

Magnus knew.

He knew Alec's long-kept secret. He knew how he felt about Jace. And he felt sorry for him. Just like Isabelle. They pitied him- poor, pathetic Alec, pining over the Shadow World's golden boy all of his life, risking everything time and again only to end up watching the object of his affection chasing around some ginger half-mundie.. Alec knew how he must look to them both. But….

"You don't. You don't understand" The words came out as barely a whisper. Alec hated himself for the way his voice shook.

"Listen, Alexander, why don't you take the night off?" Alec felt Magnus' hand rest on his shoulder, just where Isabelle's had been only hours before. He was trying to comfort him.

Magnus moved closer to the boy, lowering his head a bit to match Alec's height. But Alec kept staring at the floor. "Parabatai or not, it sounds like you may need a break from tracking him around the city."

Alec was acutely aware of the warlock's nearness, his breathe disturbing the strands on the top of his head as he spoke. He felt embarrassed for letting him see him like this, as though he had burst into his home to demand comfort. He reminded himself, for what felt like the millionth time that night, why he was here.

"Can you help me?" He felt Magnus' hand move down his arm and pause at his elbow. Alec looked up at the warlock then, whose eyes were already waiting for his.

"Yes."

Alec let go of a breath he didn't know he was holding and stepped away. "Thank you."

Magnus turned around and walked back in the direction of his room. Alec felt suddenly awkward, standing alone in the middle of Magnus' apartment, especially after sharing a strangely intimate moment with the man.

Magnus came back into the room holding a hand mirror. "You want to see him?"

"Yes."

"You're going to owe me."

"I know."

"Are you willing to pay up?"

"Well, how much are you charging?"

"Really, darling, I doubt you could afford me." Alec wasn't sure how he felt about the endearment.

"How much?"

"10"

"Dollars?"

"Yes, dollars." Magnus' mischievous grin was back with a vengeance. "10 hundred dollars."

"Are you kidding me? One thousand for a location spell?"

"Hey, you didn't just come to some regular old side-street attraction here. I'm a High Warlock. You pay for the quality not quantity," Magnus was offended by Alec's incredulous stare. "Like Gucci. Or Prada. I'm like Louis-friggin-Vuitton." He realized his metaphors were getting nowhere as Alec's brow furrowed in confusion. Hm. That might prove to be an impediment.

"Is there any other way I can pay you? Protection from any pesky demons?"

"Ha. You aren't the only one who can protect themselves, shadowhunter." Alec heard a hint of warning flash behind the playful words.

Magnus' smile suddenly widened. "I've got an idea. If you're still up for the bartering thing that is."

"Depends." Alec responded suspiciously.

"My humble services, for your time."

Alec stared at him, confused. "My time?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, you're going to have to explain this to me." His time? What does he mean by that?

"Okay," Magnus continued slowly as if he were speaking to a child... a mentally challenged child. "I help you find your little shadowhunter," Alec winced at the repeated use of the possessive. "And you spend some time with me."

Spend some time—wait.

"You're saying you'll perform a $1,000 spell to hang out with me."

"Ah, now he's got it."

"But… why?"

"Because."

"Because why?

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Has anyone told you how type A you are? Do you need a detailed explanation for everything?"

"Yes."

"Well how about this: In case you haven't noticed, which I'm sure you have, because I'm not exactly a paragon of subtlety, you intrigue me. I've enjoyed this little session of ours, despite the interruption to my REM cycle."

"I intrigue you?"

"Very much."

"Why?"

Magnus suddenly felt bad for the boy. Was it that surprising that someone would find him interesting? He shook off the feeling, hoping Alec wouldn't notice.

"Alexander. Do you want me to find him or not?"

"I do."

"Then spend some time with me. I promise not to torture you or cast any ill-intentioned charms. It won't be that bad, you haven't totally hated this encounter have you?" Magnus was unabashedly fishing for a compliment now. Alec didn't want to give it to him, but he was even more concerned about coming off as rude to someone who was doing him such a huge favor.

"No, I haven't completely hated being here. And I appreciate your willingness to negotiate the price." He paused as Magnus waited. "I'll do it."

"Great! Let's get started." The warlock was all smiles and motivation now.

He laid the mirror on the table and turned his back to Alec as he kneeled on the floor and stooped his head over the mirror. Alec watched him, fascinated by the way the warlock's slender shoulders relaxed, entranced by the steady whisper of unintelligible ancient words. Alec felt like he was caught red handed when Magnus suddenly straightened his back and turned to face a still staring Alec.

"Found him."

_- END FLASHBACK-_

**a/n: I know that some of you are going to cry foul about a certain detail that may seem to not align with the book. But no worries, it's coming. Perchance you would be so kind as to leave some comments as a reward for posting so much so quickly? Thank you readers!**


	8. Run away, Runaway, You Want It

**Disclaimer: I always forget these, so can you all just assume that every chapter in this fic is "disclaimed". I don't own them, but I love them dearly anyway.**

**a/n: I hope you all don't despise me for the short chapters. I do what works for me, and generally that's what works for me. Sorry! Also, thanks to my reviewers! You guys keep me going!**

Alec found himself standing in the pharmacy, still staring blindly at a carton of Visine as the rest of that night unfolded in his memory. Magnus had found Jace, just as he had promised. The warlock had shown him an image of Jace and Clary flying through the night sky on a vampire motorcycle, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Alec was enraged, embarrassed, and could only stare at the scene silently as Magnus watched on. He couldn't help thinking that Isabelle was right after all, Jace had just wanted to spend the night wooing Clary while he had spent _his_ night worrying about Jace's safety.

When Alec finally found the energy to wordlessly turn and leave, Magnus had stopped him, grabbing his wrist before he could get very far. And then Magnus had admitted to having known where Jace and Clary were going all along, he told Alec that they had actually come to him only hours before, demanding to know where the coven resided so as to rescue their missing rat friend.

At first, Alec had been furious at Magnus for withholding this information; in fact, he still felt hints of that fury now. But Magnus had some how managed to reason with him, claiming Alec had never asked Magnus if he knew where the pair were headed, but rather only wanted to know where they were at that exact moment, which Magnus claimed, he couldn't be sure of. And sure enough- by the time he had cast the spell, they were long-gone from the vampire hotel to which he had led them.

All of Alec's spluttering attempts to stay angry and shift some of his self-hatred and sadness onto Magnus were halted when the warlock had thrown his hands up, in a contradicting gesture that reflected equal parts surrender and self-defense, and declared at full-volume, _"I just didn't want you to get yourself hurt over him!"_

Before Alec could process or react to Magnus' words he had already been pushed towards the door, Magnus ordering him to leave so he could finally get his rest. Just as he was being ushered out of the door, Magnus called to him _"See you tomorrow, around midnight, there's a nice little café, Jesse's, on Brookline Ave. that stays open all night. It'll be a great place for you to begin paying your outstanding bill."_ Alec wasn't entirely sure if the tone was that of seduction or frustration.

The door was slammed in his face before he could refuse or confirm anything.

He hadn't planned on coming to meet Magnus. Really. But while he was heading to the kitchen that night, unable to sleep after his nearly violent run-in with Clary that morning he had been thinking about her words._ "If you were honest you'd admit this tantrum is just because you're in love with him."_ He distractedly turned the corner onto another long corridor when he noticed Jace leading Clary down the hall, towards the stairs to the garden. He stood stock-still, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill down his cheeks. He knew he couldn't deny Jace's feelings for Clary anymore. It was too exhausting to continually try and convince himself that Jace was just playing the part of demon-slaying superhero he loved so much, that she was just a phase, like all of the other girls.

And suddenly- he couldn't be there anymore, not in that dark corridor, right below where the couple was surely sharing an intimate moment, and not in that dark fucking pseudo-cathedral where he had spent his entire life silently pining by Jace's side.

Despite the fact that Magnus had essentially tricked him into this, he_ had_ found Jace for him, let him know he was safe. Alec owed him for that. And as much as Alec didn't want to admit it, right now, he had nowhere else to go. He had stormed out of the Institute like a horde of demons were chasing after him.

Which is why he was here, staring at a bottle of Visine, doing everything in his power to delay his meeting with the warlock. He pulled back the sleeve of his black sweater to look at his watch. 12:15. He doubted Magnus was one to wait on anybody. If he went to the café now, Magnus would probably already be gone, assuming of course that he had come at all. It seemed just as likely to Alec that Magnus would have simply forgotten about their…. appointment.

Honestly, the warlock was certainly a bit more eccentric than Alec was use to, but he had shown surprising kindness and consideration that night and if the price of that was a cup of coffee, then fine, Alec would gladly pay it. It was the least he could do.

He was determined as he finally turned away from the shelf and walked out of the automatic doors, heading towards Brookline.


	9. Feel the Tide Turning

**A/N: I know you probably want this chapter to be some Malec fluff at the cafe, but I feel as though we know far too much about what Alec is thinking, and not nearly enough about Magnus' side of things. I want this fic to be about getting into both of their heads- so it's time for some quality Magnus time.**

Magnus had not been feeling like himself the past 24 hours or so. As he got himself situated in a quiet corner of Jesse's Cafe, he reminded himself why he was still so tired: Alexander Lightwood.

After abruptly forcing Alec out of his apartment he had spent the rest of the last few hours of darkness lying wide awake in his bed, stretching his long limbs out across the comforter and starring blankly at his ceiling. He'd tried to fall asleep; Hades knows he'd had a hectic evening and was physically exhausted. But his little verbal sparring match with Alec had apparently given him a second wind. He felt newly invigorated. And slightly anxious. He was too agitated to get even a wink of sleep until noon, when the fatigue finally got the better of him. Even then, he kept imagining the boy's piercing eyes go flat as he stared at the image of his own personal superhero soaring through the sky, Clary playing the part of the Damsel in Distress, a role that Alec had obviously long been vying for.

It had frightened Magnus to see Alec's eyes like that. It was, after all, the shadowhunters eyes that had originally caught his interest. For such a seemingly stoic and stuffy Nephilim, his eyes showed powerful emotions—Magnus was sure the boy would be duly mortified to find out just how much his eyes gave away.

Honestly, he'd barely noticed Alec as anything more than another meddlesome member of the group of teenagers who'd marched into his party, sniffing for clues like they'd just stepped out of the Mystery Machine. He knew they were trouble the second he saw the Fray child and he was determined not to like them once Goldilocks opened his loud snarky mouth (which he hadn't really closed for the rest of the night).

But Magnus was a stickler for details, his version of barely noticing someone was much like most people's version of unwavering attention. He immediately noted that Alec had a lean, tall frame, like most young male shadowhunters, a vile sense of style (or lack thereof) and unkempt hair that he was constantly raking his fingers through, attempting to shove his bangs out of his eyes. He needed a haircut. He could do with a proper fitted t-shirt too. And maybe some Chinos. Not a look Magnus would ever rock himself, but it would work on him.

After making equally in-depth observations of each of the rest of the crew (he definitely liked that Isabelle girl, she radiated strength and panache) he found that the boy hadn't actually looked directly at Magnus for most of the night. Which was... Not. Right.

Magnus was accustomed to receiving the full attention of everyone within a ½ mile radius and he was not pleased at being so easily ignored. But as if that wasn't bad enough, the real discomfort hit Magnus when the boy finally _did_ look at him.

At first, Alec seemed to have only 3 places where his eyes tended to rest. He either starred at the floor, seemingly trying to blend into the background, brazenly glared at Clary like she was Satan incarnate, or gazed at his token pretty boy like he was worshipping a god at an altar. It was disturbing. And though Magnus couldn't quite see the boy's eyes under that curtain of hair, he could practically feel the tension he was exuding. But all of this was none of his business. The boy wasn't his type anyway- too dour and straight-laced. Even when he made a joke or laughed at one of Magnus', it seemed slightly off-kilter. Like joking and laughter weren't his forte. For a while there, Magnus had forgotten that Alec was there at all.

But when Magnus tried to explain Jocelyn's good intentions to Clary, he had found himself getting caught up in his own life story. He momentarily lost himself in the past and familiar pangs of muted pain shot through his chest as he spoke. He'd forgotten that they were all sitting there, watching him, suddenly silent and uncomfortable as the weight of his words settled over the room.

Then, the stoic boy's voice cut into the quiet, "_It wasn't your fault."_ The same words Magnus chanted to himself on the rare occasions he was jolted awake by blood stained memories, his body drenched in cold sweat and his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. _It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. Noneofitwasyourfault._

Alec continued,_ "You can't help how you're born." _Magnus was ready with a curt reply and he looked up at the boy as he stifled his emotions, _"I'm over it…"_ – And there they were: dark deep blue eyes burrowing their way into Magnus, unflinching and disconcerting in the sincerity they conveyed. It was bizarre, up until now he had become use to the way his feline eyes unfailing left shadowhunters and mundanes alike in a state of discomfiture, those who dared look too long only did so to try and prove that they weren't afraid of the warlock. But this was different. Alec was different.

And Magnus was a sucker for different.

That moment is what drove him to want to spend more time with the boy, learn what other secrets he had restrained behind those cobalt eyes. He obviously wasn't the tall, dark, and silent type Magnus had pegged him as. So Magnus asked him to call him, mostly on a whim.

But he hadn't expected Alec to be back in his apartment so soon. And while he found a flustered Alec terribly adorable, he definitely did **not** like that Boy Wonder was the cause of his agitation. So, Magnus did what he did best, he turned a negative into _all kinds _of positive. He used Alec's fear for his parabatai as leverage to crack the boy's shell and get a glimpse of what was lurking inside. And even the taste of the depth that he had discovered in Alec that night had left Magnus dizzy with vertigo. How had he missed that when they had first met?

Unfortunately, the way the boy began railing at him when he realized that Magnus had been keeping his parabatai's whereabouts a secret had Magnus feeling more than slightly irritated. Yes, he'd done it in large part to keep Alec from following Blondie into a suicide mission. But he'd also done it because he was feeling irrationally possessive of the boy and wanted to extend their little tête-à-tête for as long as possible. He'd succeed in both. Alec was safe and Magnus had secured himself a second meeting.

But now, Magnus, still sitting in the cafe, was feeling hesitant. He had always been the touch-and-go type, forming and breaking relationships without much thought. But it dawned on him that he had spent so much time going over last nights events to try and glean some information that would help him figure Alec out, that he hadn't ever really asked himself what exactly it was he wanted from the boy. Clearly, he was attracted to him. During their second meeting he realized that his eyes weren't his only asset. Alec had a certain untrained elegance about him, an underlying passion that Magnus couldn't help being drawn to.

Yet, Magnus had to be honest with himself. While Alec seemed, at the least, _aware _of his sexual preference (as evidenced by his obvious longing for Boy Wonder), it was clear that he wasn't exactly loud-and-proud about it. Which Magnus thought was a pity, because it was clear that the boy's lack of confidence was holding him back. So, if Alec wasn't out... wasn't Magnus wasting his time?

There was no avoiding the facts, Alexander Lightwood was a closeted, finicky, demonslayer—the polar opposite of Magnus in every way. Alec didn't look like the type to be up for a clandestine fling either- which was fine, because, while Magnus enjoyed fooling around, he was no fan of sneaking around- it was never worth the effort. So what was he doing here?

Magnus momentarily pulled himself out of his reveries to glance at the clock. 12:30. Alexander was late. Tardiness definitely didn't seem to fit the boy, which could only mean one thing- he wasn't coming. Despite being disappointed at the realization, Magnus wasn't quite ready to leave. He was determined to get some answers tonight- with or without Alec. Answers to questions like: why the hell he was so damned interested in finding out more about the boy? Why has his mind been full of Alec's hurt and angry stares from the evening before? And, why in the hell was he, _Magnus-the-friggin-Magnificent_, sitting here **waiting **to get some face time with some teenaged shadowhunter?

This was getting out of hand. If the boy showed up, Magnus had a feeling he would find that he enjoyed his company even more, which would only make things worse. Maybe he should just leave now and save himself the trouble of getting in too deep with a Nephilim. Alexander Lightwood couldn't possibly be worth all of this inner turmoil could he?

**A/N: I really like the nickname Boy Wonder for Jace. I love the kid in the COB/A/G but I get the feeling that if I ever met him in real life, he would be just the kind of cocky prick I would hate. Just sayin'.**

**Also, I enjoy writing Magnus. But he's a difficult one. So much going on there. Let me know if you think he's OOC.**

**As you may have guessed, I have no beta. So, please forgive my grammar errors. Fragments are my downfall and deciding on punctuation placement is like going to war for me. But, on the upside, being beta-less means my chapters are up faster. **


	10. Always Buzzing Just Like Neon

**A/N: Sorry, I felt slow, I did half the typing at work and then went on weekend without emailing it to myself! So I couldn't go on without the first half. But I've put some of the coffee meeting in this chapter! Or at least, pre-coffee date. **

**Disclaimer: They aren't mine... yet... DUM DUM DUMMMMM! (I'm kidding CassClare- I won't fight you for em)**

Alec saw the bright neon sign first, like a beacon shining in the dead of night: Jesse's. He slowed his pace to catch his breathe and take another look at his watch. It was 12:45 now. He'd rushed over here as fast as he could, short of breaking into a full-on sprint, and he was still impossibly late.

There was no way Magnus would still be here. Alec felt horrible. On the way over he had finally convinced himself that spending some time with the eccentric warlock would be a welcome distraction from the drama unfolding back at the Institute. He was even a bit excited, feeling knots curling in his stomach as he considered the inevitable flirtatious banter that he was sure would ensue if he spent the evening with Magnus.

Alec leaned in to the shop window, placing his hands flat on the glass as his heart rate slowed. As he searched the cramped café for any sign of the warlock and saw that he wasn't there, he knew that any chance of a playful diversion from reality was lost. Not just tonight, but any night- there was no way Magnus would want to see him again after being stood up like this. Alec slowly turned his back to the café, shoulders sagging in defeat, completely unaware of the sharp catlike eyes that had been watching his every move since his abrupt arrival.

"Leaving so soon?" Alec felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand at attention at the sound of Magnus' voice. Alec looked up to see the warlock standing not 3 feet away from him, watching him intently. How long had he been there?

"I thought you'd left already." Alec found it hard to find his voice; he realized that it had been hours since he had spoken out loud. He cleared his throat as he took in Magnus appearance, the glitter was back, framing his eyes and dusted evenly across his face, causing flashes of red to flicker across his skin as each fleck reflected the bright light of the sign glaring above them.

"I did leave. Actually, I was just crossing the street to try and catch a cab when I saw you flying down the sidewalk towards the café." Magnus was trying very, very hard to keep his cool and seem unfazed. He had left the café feeling confused and dejected. Seeing Alec rush by as though his life depended on it had lifted his spirits more than he was willing to admit, even to himself. He had taken longer than necessary to make his presence known to the boy as he watched Alec's obvious disappointment when he hadn't spotted Magnus inside. Only, minutes ago, Magnus' ego was shot to hell, but now… now it was back full force.

He leaned his back against the wall and crossed his arms, turning his head to the side to watch Alec. The boy was fidgeting in place; Magnus was tempted to remain silent, just to get the chance to watch him get increasingly uncomfortable.

"I didn't know Shadowhunters ran unless they had a horde of demons to chase after." Magnus threw the words at the boy like a sly insult. Oh yes, he certainly had his confidence back.

Alec was still trying to compose himself. Magnus was here, just as he had wanted. But now the warlock was digging away at his last nerve.

"I wasn't running." Alec replied coolly.

"No?" Magnus found the answer amusing.

"I was walking… quickly. I don't like being late. It's inconsiderate." As Magnus grinned at his feeble excuse, Alec was trying to remember why he was so anxious to meet with the man.

"Surprise, surprise." Magnus responded. Alec noticed how Magnus' grin caused his already narrow eyes to tighten on the outside corners.

"What do you mean by_ that_?" Alec shot back. He decided that he despised the grin the warlock tended to use around him. It made him look as though he knew something about Alec that even Alec didn't know. The suggestion of intimacy, familiarity with someone he had just met made Alec uneasy.

Magnus could see the boy recoiling. Alec had his hands deep in his pockets, fists clenched. It looked as though he would turn around and run away at any moment. Clearly Alexander Lightwood didn't take playful taunts very well. Magnus filed that away for future reference. For now, he had to help the boy loosen up so that they could relax around each other and see where things went from there. Before Magnus could figure out whether to move forward… or backward… or not at all with the boy, he needed to get to know him better.

"Let's go inside and I'll tell you what I mean. I'm afraid the place won't be open much longer, though. Maybe we can sit down and order some tea." Magnus made the suggestion calmly, trying to tamp down the hint of mischief that tainted most of his comments.

Alec looked surprised by the shift in conversation, "Tea?"

"Do you not like tea? It's a bit late for coffee don't you think?" Magnus replied, trying to accommodate the boy.

" No, tea is fine… I just…" Alec couldn't suppress a mocking smile, "I just didn't really see you as the type to be drinking tea in a small café on a Saturday night." Especially considering, the warlock was dressed in skin tight dark purple velvet pants and an equally fitted black tee, both more suited for a night out at Pandemonium than a late night stop at a local coffee shop. Alec stopped himself when he realized how apparent it was that he was studying Magnus frame.

" Well-, " Magnus flashed his glaringly white teeth in a full smile as he held the door open for Alec, purposefully leaving very little space so that the boy would have to brush past him to get by, "I'm sure that there's a lot we don't know about each other."

Alec paused and frowned at the warlock as he tried to sort through the stream of thoughts rushing through his mind. _Is Magnus 'flirting' again? Does he do this with everyone? Do I really want to "get to know" him?_

Magnus quirked his eyebrow, quietly watching Alec's inner battle. The boy clearly wanted to come in, but he seemed unsure of himself.

Alec took a deep breath and allowed his expression to loosen. He'd come this far, there was no point in turning back now. He slid in through the door, carefully avoiding the warlock's touch. _Anything is better than being at the Institute right now._

**A/N: Next up: some of the coffee date, and their respective reactions. They'll both be feeling more sure about things by the end of it. **


	11. A First Time for Everything

**a/n: So, I must begin by thanking my reviewers. I would thank my faves one by one, but I want to rush and post this before I leave work. Really, you all are wonderful, your reviews have made all the difference in getting me "in the zone". I really enjoyed writing this chapter—I didn't force it. I wrote when I felt compelled to and didn't try to force myself when I felt uninspired. I hope you all like it too!**

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Magnus had spent the last fifteen minutes rattling on about how he had spent his afternoon. He had answered an array of house calls, in which he either had to provide some of his professional expertise or help so-and-so locate a jacket, or dagger, or assorted mystical stone that they had left in his apartment during the previous night's festivities.

Magnus had realized the second that he and Alec had settled into their seats near a corner window that the evening had the potential to end up one long awkward horror show. Alec seemed reluctant to talk and just sat there, quietly starring at Magnus, looking as though he regretted coming to the café. So, Magnus did enough talking for the both of them. It was exhausting. But worth the effort as the boy's tense shoulders relaxed and his fingers stopped their incessant drumming on the table.

Alec watched the warlock ramble, lowering his voice to a whisper when sharing a particularly juicy piece of downworlder gossip, pausing for effect when relating the more ridiculous events of his evening, and occasionally locking eyes with Alec and throwing him a winning smile as he went on and on and on.

Alec was mesmerized.

He'd known Magnus was eccentric. He'd known he was confident. He'd known the warlock was vain. And far, far stronger than he looked. But as he sat here and watched Magnus in all his glory, Alec felt almost … jealous. Magnus was all glitz and glamour, all wit and (though Alec loathed to admit it) charm. The warlock literally lit up the tiny dark café, his unrestrained laughter rumbling through the small space like a tangible force. And despite the strange looks that the few mundane patrons sent his way, Magnus seemed unfazed. The barista had even blushed when he complimented her "stellar-Chai-brewing skills". Magnus Bane was everything that Alec Lightwood was not. Alec had never met anyone like him. Sure, Isabelle and Jace were plenty self-assured, but they both had indisputable conventional beauty to support their egos. Magnus was far from "traditionally" attractive. In fact, Alec had reason to suspect that the warlock's flashy look hid some of his more appealing features. The delicate curve of his neck, often covered by chokers and overshadowed by the spiky hair that inevitably drew any viewer's eyes upwards. The expanse of smooth, tan skin, which Alec knew from last night's unexpected late-night visit, was just as unblemished and even without the layer of make up loaded atop it. And then there were his eyes.

Warlocks, as demon half-breeds, could often be identified by some tell-tale feature or sign that belied their demon side. Alec had met warlocks with strangely tinted skin, rune-like birthmarks across their backs or forearms, even one with claw like nails that could slice through metal three-inches deep. All of which were easily hidden with a basic glamour. But he had never seen eyes like Magnus'- they blazed like green-gold pools of liquid fire, only interrupted by the narrow onyx slits of his pupils. And as far as Alec could tell, Magnus never used glamour to hide them. It was almost as though the warlock didn't mind, maybe even enjoyed, the way the mundies would quickly look away whenever his eyes would casually alight upon them. Like he was daring them to look at him even one second longer. Alec kind of understood where the mundanes were coming from. Magnus' eyes were eerie… there was something distinctly predatory about them, a threat that left innate human instincts cowering in fear. But there was more than that. They were powerful, and dangerous, and, for some reason that Alec couldn't explain, they were beautiful. Alec found his own eyes shifting to meet Magnus' whenever the warlock looked his way, and felt a clear pang of disappointment when Magnus' eyes would wander around the room or focus elsewhere. Alec briefly wondered if the warlock had enchanted him before pushing the thought from his mind.

Alec realized that the reason he was drawn to Magnus' eyes was probably less to do with magic and more to do with his own insecurities. Magnus' eyes represented everything Alec envied in the warlock: they were inhumane, bizarre, and powerful but his gaze held strong and unforgiving, imposing, and more often than not, haughty. And when Magnus fixed his eyes on someone, he never backed down.

"Alec?" Magnus voice interrupted Alec's thoughts.

"Huh? Yes?"

Magnus frowned at the boy. He'd assumed that he'd had Alec's rapt attention by the way the boy's gaze had begun to bore into him. Now, he wasn't so sure.

"Were you listening?"

"Yeah, sure. You were telling me about a pack of pixies you found in an upturned box in your guest bathroom."

"… Right, I was… About 10 minutes ago. We've moved on since then."

"Oh." Damn. He'd been caught staring again.

"Something on your mind, then?"

Magnus was surprised to see a blush creeping up from the stunned boy's neckline._Hm, that was unexpect__ed. Is he having lewd thoughts?_

"Well," Magnus continued with a self-satisfied grin. " I suppose I've been talking too much anyways." He felt suddenly gracious, ignoring the chance to embarrass the boy further.

Alec smiled gratefully. "I don't mind."

"Yes, well. I tend to get carried away sometimes."

"No, really. It's okay. I can use the distraction." Alec murmured half to himself as he starred at his hands, which had resumed a steady tapping on the table top. He felt self-conscious paying the warlock any type of compliment, like he would get mocked for it. After an extended silence Alec looked up to see the warlock looking at him with a barely-there expression of concern on his face.

"What?" Alec asked, confused by the abrupt change in mood.

"What's wrong?" Magnus bluntly asked.

Alec's eyes shot up in surprise. "What? I mean… what do you mean? Nothing is…"

"Alexander," Magnus effectively ended Alec's sputtering with a hard look. "What is it you need to be distracted from?"

Alec closed his eyes briefly, silently cursing himself for having said too much to Magnus. **Again**. He opened his eyes and looked off to the side, trying to look casually interested in the darkness beyond the nearest window.

"It's nothing. Just… life. You know?"

Magnus couldn't help the way the corner of his mouth quirked up in a knowing smile.

"Yeah, I know all about that." A shadow momentarily passed over his face as he went on. "I've lived 10 lifetimes too many, long enough to know that life is completely mercilessly unpredictable."

Alec let his eyes slide back to the warlock, though he stubbornly kept facing the window. He couldn't tell if the warlock was just messing with him or having another one of his disarmingly sincere moments. For the first time since he'd met him, Magnus sounded like a tired and weathered old man. _10 lifetimes? Angel, he must be ancient. _

"So…," Magnus continued "Do you want to talk about it?"

Alec was thrown off when he realized the warlock was indeed being sincere. He felt like he owed him some kind of explanation for tonight's erratic behavior… and last night's as well. Actually, Magnus had seen a lot of Alec at his worst. _Why the hell is he still here with me?_ Alec wasn't sure if he was ready to pour his heart out to a two- day stranger so he struggled to give a vague but honest reply.

"It's difficult… to care for other people. Sometimes you feel like… if you keep worrying about them, taking care of them, doing everything you can to keep them safe, then eventually… eventually it'll be enough. Enough to… I don't know," Alec heard his voice break against his will. "Enough for them to finally care back."

Magnus watched the boy battle with his emotions and a sudden rage boiled inside of him. He knew Alec was infatuated with his parabatai, but it was clearly more extreme than he'd initially thought. That fucking Boy Wonder was breaking his heart.

"This is about Blondie, I assume." Magnus immediately regretted the raw anger in his voice when Alec looked at him, the wetness rimming his eyes adding an indigo intensity to his heartrending stare. The boy visibly folded back into himself at Magnus' tone, pulling his arms around himself in a pose that reflected defiance and self-preservation.

"I… don't think I want to talk about this…" Alec responded, wiping his eyes with his dark sleeve before quickly sliding his hand back into the crook of his elbow.

"Don't go creeping back into your shell, Alexander. Talk to me."

Alec stared back at Magnus, whose amber eyes looked far from imposing, right now. They looked pleading. This had been a long and turbulent couple of days, Alec's whole world had been turned upside down. Looking into Magnus eyes, he contemplated the possibility of having someone he could talk to. For once in his life. Someone outside of the shadowhunter world who he could tell anything without fear of judgment, or in Isabelle's case, constant badgering. Could Magnus be that for him? Did he trust him enough for that?

"… What do you want to know?" Alec watched Magnus closely, trying to gauge his reaction.

Magnus paused as the boy inspected him. He was obviously hurting and if all Magnus could do for him now was be a soundboard, give him an escape, ease that pain, even a little. Then that was what he would do.

"I want to know everything." Magnus responded firmly.

Alec continued to stare at the warlock. He knew the man may have initially had less then pure intentions towards him, but right now he was all that Alec had. He felt guilty using Magnus like this, but he needed this. So badly. Other than his own sister and Jace, he'd never really had anyone he could call a friend. He had allies and enemies. But never a friend.

"Well then," Alec began, his expression still grave, "I guess I should start by telling you why I was so late tonight."

Magnus felt his hands unclench and his expression soften as the shadowhunter took control of the conversation. Sure, this wasn't exactly how he'd seen the night going. In fact, this whole strange platonic intimacy thing the two shared was new to him. Magnus wanted more. But for now, this was enough.


	12. Entre les Lignes

_**a/n: I know, I know… I've taken forever and a day to update. Summer is such a distraction. So is work. So is life. Buuuut, I have returned! Read, Enjoy, Review!**_

_**Disclaimer: I'd like to think that little by little, I'm making them MINE! **__** You know what I mean.**_

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4 hours. He had spent 4 hours in that café with Magnus. By the time they had left, it was a little past 5 in the morning; the only other person in the place was a stocky middle age guy who Alec presumed was the owner. The man dozed off on his stool behind the counter leaving Magnus and Alec virtually alone.

The last three hours had gone in a drastically different direction than the first, with Alec leading the conversation. The boy was like a long dormant geyser exploding from the pressure, finally free to let loose. Magnus had wanted to know **everything**, and Alec had done a pretty good job of telling him just that.

He told him about how he was even more quite, reserved, and awkward as a kid than he is now. How his parents were barely ever around, always off on trips conducting Clave business, how, when they first came to New York, he'd dreamed of Alicante's rolling hills every night. He told him about how, as children, Isabelle used to capture everyone's attention whenever the two entered a room, something Alec didn't resent her for, in fact, he was always thankful to be allowed to so easily fade into the background.

Then he told him about how when he was 11 years old, his parents brought a young Adonis home with them- all shining golden eyes and golden locks. How Jace had changed everything. Alec knew what the other boy had gone through and that he'd grown up in seclusion. Alec couldn't look at Magnus as he related what his parents told him about how how rogue warlocks had brutally murdered Jace's father.

He went on to tell Magnus about how that darkness hung over Jace for those first few years, how Alec had made it his own personal mission to make the boy happy again, taking blame for his devious pranks, and willingly becoming the butt of all his jokes. Eventually, their relationship changed, Jace came into his own in a lot of ways—but Alec did not.

He stayed by Jace's side, as his brother, as his parabatai, as his bestfriend, but it hurt him to admit that it wasn't him that helped Jace put aside his anger, in fact, the anger had never left, it was just buried under well-practiced charm and poise. The real apple of Jace's eye was **fighting**. Being a shadowhunter. Jace was, of course, fiercely loyal to the entire Lightwood clan, but the reason he got up in the mornings, the reason he fought off bloody memories and moved forward, was the prospect of slaying a clumsy demon or sparring with a crooked vampire before unceremoniously leading them to a gory end. Jace was reckless and confident and brave and damn near inhumanely strong, but Alec couldn't help feeling as though he went into every fight hoping it would be his last.

But it wasn't enough for Jace that Alec_ knew_ he was still hurting, that he could _see_ how dead his golden eyes were. Understanding alone wasn't enough to make things better for Jace. Alec wasn't enough. So Alec had settled for protecting Jace from self-destruction. He had gotten himself more than one injury trying to stop Jace from rushing into this or that beyond-dangerous-situation and had jumped between Jace and so many different demons that it was a wonder that Jace was still so oblivious to Alec's feelings. He did all this because Jace needed Alec to keep him safe. And because Alec needed Jace.

Alec couldn't have asked for a more gracious a listener. Magnus watched and responded with care, nodding his head in encouragement, smiling at his childhood antics, carefully avoiding giving signs of the disapproval the warlock obviously felt about Alec's nearly 6 year obsession with his adopted brother. He was reassuring and kind, and nothing like Alec expected. And most of all, he was honest.

After they had talked through all of the major events of the past decade of Alec's life, Magnus noted how much of it was about Jace.

"You talk about him like he's saved you or something. Like he's your hero."

Alec couldn't help but smile at the image. "Yeah… I guess he kind of is. I told you, I was even more quiet and antisocial before I met Jace. I only talked to Isabelle, I had no sense of humour. He kind of opened my eyes to the rest of the world, as corny as that might sound..." Alec shifted his eyes back to the window as he spoke, feeling guilty for praising Jace so blatantly in front of Magnus.

"It doesn't sound corny at all… But… I don't buy it."

Alec's felt a twinge of anger at the accusation."What do you mean? I'm not trying to _sell _my life story to you, I'm just telling you what mattered to me, and Jace is a big part of that."

"Calm down Alec, I'm not attacking you. I get that he's important to you… Believe me, I got that message loud and clear." Despite all his efforts, Magnus couldn't help but let a little of the hurt he was feeling seep into his tone as his voice faltered. But it wasn't the time to think about himself. This wasn't about him. He needed to help Alec see that Boy Wonder wasn't his end-all-be-all.

"Then what is it you don't believe?" Alec asked.

"The idea that he's somehow made you into a better version of yourself. I'm sure it was nice to have him around when you were a lonely kid and he probably did help open you up back then… somewhat. But…"

Alec waited for Magnus to go on; though he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the rest, "But what?"

"But… it sounds to me, like your… affinity… for him eventually made things harder for you, not easier."

Alec couldn't deny the truth of those words- though he felt a dull pain in his chest when he heard them spoken out loud.

Magnus continued, "It's like he's holding you back. I mean—look at you Alexander, the you sitting here across from me, pouring your heart out, unashamed and unafraid. I feel like I'm getting a glimpse of something, like there's so much more to you than even _you _realize."

Alec kept his eyes trained on Magnus as he let the words sink in, "Magnus -"

"I just wish you'd give yourself more credit."

"You just met me…" Alec responded quietly, flustered by embarrassment and ashamed at the tone of accusation behind his words.

"Yes. I did. And I already know that you measure yourself by Jace Wayland. You talk about him like he's a freaking King and you're just another one of his weak and loyal subjects. That isn't reality Alexander. You aren't defined by him."

Alec was determined to stay calm, despite the raging impulse to rebel against Magnus' harsh words. When he thought about it, nothing Magnus had said was entirely untrue. How many times had he berated himself for not being half the man Jace was? _Too Many._

"But, Alexander," Magnus' whisper jerked Alec out of his thoughts and he looked up at the warlock, expectantly.

"I think you should know … when I look at you, I don't see Jace's shadow."

Alec held Magnus' stare. The green gold of the warlock's eyes seemed to have become impossibly more vibrant, as though his emotions were pouring out of the bright orbs. Alec couldn't look away now, even if he wanted to, that he was the reason the warlock's eyes had seemingly come alive left him in awe.

Magnus leaned in, laying his forearms flat on the table to brace himself. "You **are** strong Alec. You **are** brave. You're unfailingly loyal and genuine and you're brimming with passion and emotion just below the surface."

Alec didn't have the presence of mind to shut his mouth, which hung open. He felt his blood thrumming through his veins, his heart beating jerkily out of rhythm. Magnus' words went against everything Alec had ever known about himself, and he wanted, more than anything, to believe them. He felt the hope making his heart swell, and it took a concentrated effort to tamp it down, to remind himself that it was dangerous to feel so happy, that it would just end up hurting him in the end.

"Magnus, you – you really don't have to say all that. I'm not fishing for compliments."

"I know," Magnus cut in. "I also know that you don't take me very seriously. I can't blame you; I don't do solemn and grim quite like you do. Sooo… how about I temper the good with the bad?" His trademark grin crept back into place, making Alec feel more at ease. He was far more comfortable with the warlock teasing him than being so earnest.

"The bad?" Alec asked.

"Yeah, you're flaws...as I see them at least."

Alec felt his heart drop, disappointment effectively beating back the tide of hope that had been threatening to overwhelm him only moments ago.

"I don't think I need anyone to tell me about those. I'm well aware how far I fall short."

Magnus gave the boy a sad smile; Alec's disappointment was almost palpable.

"And **that** is #1 on the list. You're always too hard on yourself. It's wonderful to be self-aware to an extent, but not if it leaves you feeling terrified."

"I am not terrified." Alec was lying through his teeth and he knew it. He spent everyday in fear of being found out. And it only frightened him more to know that Magnus saw through the façade.

"You are. You'd rather be distant and stoic and damn near mute than let people in because you're so afraid they won't like what they find if you do."

He'd known the warlock for all of 2 days and he already knew his darkest thoughts. Alec felt the need to argue, to deny it all.

"But -"

"Hush."

"Magnus -"

Magnus put his hand over Alec's mouth, silencing him. "I said hush. It's my turn to talk, your turn to listen." He paused before he went on, "By some miracle of chance and circumstance, I've managed to get through to you. You've told me some things I'm not so sure you've admitted to yourself before tonight. The _only _thing I can offer in return is honesty."

The two starred at each other for a second before Magnus placed his hand back on the table, watching for Alec's reaction. The boy let out a frustrated sigh before leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms, reluctantly giving in. Magnus gave a quick victorious grin before moving on.

"So, like I said, one of your flaws is that you're frightened." Magnus said the sentence casually, but his eyes were clearly issuing a challenge, daring Alec to contradict him. When Alec said nothing, only glaring back at the warlock in response he continued.

"Another one is that you always put everyone before yourself: Jace's feelings, your parents' piece of mind, Isabelle's comfort, the Clave's obsolete traditions. Everyone. You need to learn to be a little more selfish Alexander."

Alec just sat there, mulling Magnus' analysis over. His arms stayed stubbornly crossed and his lower lip jut out slightly as he gnawed it lightly in concentration. He looked like a moody teenage boy instead of a world-weary shadowhunter weighed down by a heavy load of secret burdens. It made Magnus smile to see him acting his age for once.

Alec fixed his stare on the table as he responded.

"You're wrong about one thing."

Magnus lifted his eyebrow, curious to hear what it was the boy would deny next. "And what's that?"

"While I begrudgingly accept your honesty," Magnus rolled his eyes "maybe even… appreciate it," Magnus inwardly smiled at the admission as Alec continued to avoid eye contact, "there_ is_ something else you can offer."

"What do you mean?" Magnus felt a sudden jolt of anxiety as he waited for the shadowhunter to clarify. What could he do for Alec? Right now, he was willing to do anything, free of charge even, to get Alec to continue to confide in him like this.

"You said honesty was all you could offer in return for me telling you about myself."

"Yes…" Magnus waited as Alec finally looked up at him. He felt another sudden pang of panic, afraid he would ask something of him that Magnus couldn't do, or even worse, for something related to that damn parabatai of his.

"But there is definitely something else you can offer."

Magnus' eyes widened at the implication as Alec's stared on, his smile turning uncharacteristically mischievous. Alec let the silence fill the air as he enjoyed his one chance to have the upper hand, to be the one teasing Magnus instead of the other way around.

"You could…" Alec paused again, suddenly nervous about what he was going to ask. "You could tell me _your_ story."

Magnus' eyes briefly widened even further before he sighed and chuckled in relief. "Is that what you want?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Is that all you want?" Magnus asked with a grin.

Alec smiled at the warlock, "yeah… I think so."

Magnus stared at him for another half beat.

"Another time maybe."

"Maybe?"

"My story is a little…"

Seeing Magnus at a loss for words set off alarm bells in Alec's mind. _It must be difficult for him to talk about._

Alec cut in before Magnus could finish his train of thought, "Another time then."

Magnus gave the shadowhunter a grateful smile. "Yeah… which reminds me… Thank you."

Alec tilted his head in confusion, "For what?"

"For coming tonight. And for telling me more about yourself."

"I should be the one thanking you for letting me whine for a couple of hours."

"Hm. You're right. You're welcome."

Alec rolled his eyes, he felt tricked. "Right."

Magnus straightened his back and stretched his arms back, clasping his hands together as he felt the tension releasing from his muscles and his shoulders pop. "Don't worry, Alexander. I promise not to twist your arm again."

"What do you mean by that?" Alec responded, mesmerized at how a man with such long slender limbs could move so fluidly.

"I mean, I'm glad you came tonight, but I'm not going to trick you into doing it again." He released his hands and let them fall back in his lap, rolling his shoulders back into place.

Alec felt his insecurities crowding him again. He'd just shared everything with this man, and now it sounded as though the warlock was through with him.

Magnus refocused his attention on the boy only to find him looking withdrawn and far away again. Apparently Alec was misunderstanding him. He had to fix it. There was no way he was taking two steps back after taking such a giant leap forward tonight.

"Alec."

"What?" Alec responded curtly. But he was surprised to find the warlock's eyes reflecting just as much vulnerability as Alec was feeling… maybe even more.

"The next time we meet. It'll be because you want to see me again."

Alec swallowed as he let the words sink in. He was forcing Alec into a corner. Forcing him to acknowledge whatever this thing was between them. A part of him wanted to tell Magnus he did want to see him again, that this had been a night he wouldn't soon forget, tell him what he clearly wanted to hear. To make him happy. But Alec wasn't ready to make any declarations. He needed to clear up his feelings first for both their sake. He swallowed to wet his suddenly dry throat as he gave the only non-committal reply he could think of... "Okay."

Magnus gave him a hard look, trying to discern the meaning behind the single word. Then the warlock slowly pushed back is chair and stood. "We should get going, it's getting late."

Alec looked up at him from his seat, surprised by the coldness in his voice. "Yeah, you're right. I should be heading home." He grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair as he rose from his seat. He stared at the warlock's back and shoulders, at the hair at the nape of his neck as he followed him towards the exit.

The pair silently walked through the door, Alec wishing he hadn't caused the night to end on such bad terms. When they got outside Alec pulled his jacket tight around him, the coolness of the air reminding him how deep into the night it must be by now.

Magnus turned to him and said goodnight before turning to walk away, barely waiting for a reply.

Alec watched him for a second before calling out to him. "Magnus!"

The warlock turned around, still wearing a blank expression. He watched Alec and waited.

"Um. I just. I didn't really say it properly. So… thank you… for tonight. It… it really meant a lot to me." He couldn't even look at him as he said it, though he was desperate to see his reaction.

Magnus was stricken by the words, feeling guilty for treating the boy so icily when he was at his most exposed_. If Alec is selfless… then I must be the most selfish bastard on earth. Fuck. _Magnus' expression lost its edge as he responded.

"Like I said: you're welcome. It was my pleasure... Goodnight Alexander."

"Goodnight." Alec replied with a relieved smile. He watched the warlock walk into the darkness before he turned around and walked back up Brookline Avenue, towards the Institute, smile still plastered on his face.

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_**a/n: Now that you have read it and hopefully enjoyed it, REVIEW! Please. Thank you. LOVE!**_


	13. Ne Me Quitte Pas

**a/n: That was fast, right? **** I was going to make this the beginning of a much longer chapter, but I thought it might be nice to give this to you guys early. Think of it as a tasty appetizer, a peace offering of sorts, since I've been gone for so long. **

Magnus had opted for a magical exit mostly because he was too exhausted to go searching the streets for a cab.

As soon as he appeared in his dark bedroom he laid down on his mattress with a sigh, clasped his hands behind his head and stared up at his ceiling. He hoped against hope that there wouldn't be any house calls for another several hours, even though twilight tended to be the most lucrative time of day for his work.

The warlock shifted his wiry frame so he lay on his side and toed his shoes off. He heard them fall to the floor as he curled into his comforter. This was exactly why he made it a rule to never make his bed. There was nothing more relaxing than wrapping yourself in layers of lumpy cushioned sheets after a stressful day. As he finally settled into a comfortable position he allowed himself to recollect the night's events.

He'd walked into that café looking to find out if what he felt for Alec was as real as it seemed, he'd left it wondering how he could have ever doubted something so potent.

Alec had been so willing to share with him, so open, so responsive. It was kind of petrifying, actually. Magnus already felt tied to the boy and it had only been a couple of days. If things went on this way Alec would have him wrapped around his finger within a few weeks. Magnus grinned into his pillow at the thought. _That might not be so bad._

If Alec would let him, Magnus would be more than happy to guide the shadowhunter through the ups and downs of being a card-carrying openly gay member of the Shadow World. He remembered the way the boy's dark unruly hair kept falling low on his brow, covering his eyes, bright with intensity. The way he carelessly swiped the strands out of his view as he talked, lost in his own words. How his adam's apple bobbed along his slender neck as he sipped at his tea. The visible downward curve of his collarbone, which caused Magnus to follow the slope and mentally trace the outline of the physique hidden beneath the nephilim's excruciatingly loose clothing. Oh yes, Magnus would definitely be an eager teacher if Alec ever wanted to do a more _hands-on_ exploration of his sexuality.

Magnus took a deep breath. He had to reign himself in before he let his imagination get the best of him. Alec may have known he was gay since he was a kid but he'd spent all that time in love with his best friend—his straight best friend. It was very likely that Alec had little to no experience and wasn't quite ready for a physical relationship of any sort… yet. Which was a pity, because the attraction was there and it was undeniably mutual. Magnus had lived long enough to be able to tell when someone was checking him out and there were several moments when he could feel Alec's gaze raking over him when the boy thought he wasn't looking.

Their future, whether they ended up friends, or took steps towards something more serious, or even went back to being strangers, was completely up to Alec now. Because Alec was the one who was undecided. Magnus still felt a pang of guilt when he remembered how panicked and torn the shadowhunter had looked when Magnus told him that it was up to him if they would see each other again. Whatever Alec decided, Magnus already knew what he wanted. He wanted Alexander Lightwood. In every way.

After tonight he felt like a newfound guardian of Alec's deepest secrets and insecurities. If it had been anyone else he would have refused to shoulder such a burden, he would have run at the first sign of sentimentality, fearful of the commitment that such bonds always entailed. But it wasn't anyone else. It was Alec. And now Magnus found himself desperately grasping at anything he could to bind the nephilim closer to him.

Two days and he could feel all the hollow hedonistic ideals he'd built his oh-so-modern life on crumbling away, bit by bit. He'd happily take a sledgehammer to the whole damn foundation if it meant he could get the boy to admit that Magnus was more than just some downworlder confidant to him.

But Magnus knew he had to be patient. Alec was different so Magnus would have to approach their relationship differently. But first, Alec would have to come to him.

Magnus gradually drifted into sleep, hoping his patience would eventually pay off.

**a/n: Interesting fact: Every chapter title (and the title of the fic) are either titles of songs or lines from songs. I even thought of making a songfic at some point, but they always come off too maudlin unless done exactly right, and I don't have that kind of faith in myself yet. I hope you like the titles though- weird as some of them are. Review please!**


	14. You Have Your Choices

**a/n: I know, all of you probably hate me. As well you should- I suck. I could give you a list of excuses for my lateness… but that would only make me suck more. But I do want to make a teeny tiny request – before you read this chappie, go back and read a few chapters. As a fic reader, when an author takes forever to post, I tend to lose some of my enjoyment and connection to the story because it's been so long. I find that it helps to read at least part of the fic over again in order to get back into the groove of things. I know you guys are like.. "B***h please, it's your fault we had to wait so long in the first place and now you're telling me how to READ your late-a** chapters?" And I deserve that. But, I promise, you'll enjoy it more if you do.**

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Alec had opted to walk home. It was better this way, he needed the time to think about things and he was positive that if he took a cab he would get home in a few minutes and immediately pass out. Plus, he could always skip morning practice. Of course, that would mean risking Jace getting irritated and Isabelle being annoyingly nosy. He never missed morning training, and with all of the madness of the past few days, they hadn't been able to do a proper training for far too long.

But Alec had made up his mind. Walk and think now, sleep on it some more later. No time for training. In fact, he didn't feel the least bit guilty about skipping, even though he was the oldest, of age, and had always been the 'responsible' one. Not today. Today Responsibility could go to hell.

He set out into the cool night and mulled over the events of this emotionally draining day. It had started off with him fretting over Jace's injuries, fussing over him and furious that he'd dived head first into such a ridiculously dangerous situation. Then there was Clary. That fight had left him brooding for the rest of the day. Seeing her and Jace sneak up the stairs that night, their conspiratorial body language expressing a desperate desire to be close to each other, and Jace starring at her like she could move the sun and the earth - it had broken Alec's heart. Quite literally, Alec had felt something inside him snap and he'd rushed out of the Institute without a moment's hesitation. And then… there was Magnus. Despite Alec's reluctance to see the warlock, despite his anxiety and discomfort upon their meeting, Magnus had proven to be a sort of refuge for Alec. In those few short hours, all of the tension and raw fury building up in him the past few weeks had melted away, if only temporarily.

And for once he hadn't used his usual coping mechanism to deal with his Jace-problem. He hadn't opted to reassure himself that he was actually more important to Jace than anyone else, that Jace would always need him, that he would be there for Jace in whatever capacity he could, however Jace wanted him, and that all of that was enough for Alec. He hadn't, for once, opted to drown the real problem in a sea of false consolation, effectively silencing his insecurities until the next time something happened that hinted at the fact that keeping things as is was slowly driving Alec insane.

No. This time Alec had done the exact opposite. He had admitted to himself, and to Magnus, everything he'd desperately tried to keep hidden in some dark corner of his mind. Yes- Jace needed him, cared about him, loved him even, but not the way Alec wanted him to, and not the way Jace loved, cared about, and needed Clary.

With this in mind Alec realized that a lot of the sheer fury and hatred he'd been harboring against Clary had cooled to a mere simmer. She was right. He hadn't hated her for getting Jace into trouble; Jace had never been one to follow anyone's lead, and he regularly found trouble all on his own. What Alec had really held against her was that she, not a love of danger, not the thrill of the hunt, and not his trademark near-suicidal mania, had inspired him to get into this particular mess. Jace had walked right into a teeming vampire lair **for her.** He'd done it to impress her by showing off his skills, he'd done it to console her by rescuing her friend. He'd done it because he had only met the girl days before and had already proved time and again that there was little he_ wouldn't_ do for her- whether or not she asked it of him.

Clary was filling a void in Jace that Alec had never even had the privilege of getting a proper glimpse of. As petty and childish as it was, Alec couldn't help being jealous and then hating her all the more for making him act irrationally and feel such base emotions.

Alec slowed his steps as his mind took a dark turn. It was still quite disturbing to be so honest with himself; and it was far more daunting without Magnus there to talk him through things. But part of Alec was relieved that he hadn't discussed these uglier parts of himself with Magnus. The warlock had already seen Alec at his worst a couple of times, it was a miracle he didn't think Alec was some kind of deranged emotional time bomb.

Magnus hadn't even flinched when Alec had told him about how he had thrown Clary at the wall in a fit of rage. Alec cringed at the memory; it had been beyond out of line and out of character of him. Granted, she had been out of line as well. What she had said about Alec... what _Jace_ had said about Alec, was painful to hear, and she knew it. She had wanted to hurt him- and he had hurt her back. No matter how much he regretted his brash reaction, he couldn't deny that the he could still felt the ache that had spurred the brief bout of violence. He couldn't just turn off years of devotion to Jace, he would always be special to Alec, and it sliced him to the core to think that Jace thought him a coward. Earlier in the night, Magnus had called him brave; told him Jace shouldn't be the basis by which he measures himself. Alec wasn't convinced, but it was a relief to know that not everyone thought as ill of him as Jace apparently did. But then again, Magnus was a different story altogether.

A sudden shiver momentarily distracted Alec from his thoughts. He tucked his hands around himself and dug them into his jacket pockets, trying to block off the cold. He wasn't too far from home now, only a few more blocks.

_The next time we meet it will be because you want to see me._

The memory of those words, and how Magnus' burnished green eyes seemed to be pleading for something caused a sharp spike in Alec's pulse. Magnus had quickly proven to be both everything Alec had expected of him and nothing like he'd imagined. He was just as lewd and frivolous and flashy as he appeared that first night, all traits that Alec had initially disliked about the warlock, but was now finding strangely… endearing.

On top of that, Magnus had displayed a surprising degree of compassion, sensitivity to the needs and feelings of others. Alec snorted at the thought of a sensitive Magnus Bane. No one back at the Institute would believe him if Alec had told them that Magnus could be as attentive as he could be self-involved, as genuine and serious as he could be vain and flippant. In fact, as he thought back to the party, he doubted that any of his downworlder friends knew about this side of Magnus either. He had studiously ignored most of them and even harshly reprimanded a few (Alec couldn't help but grin at the memory of Magnus holding the offending vamp in some kind of invisible headlock when he dared raise his voice at the High Warlock of Brooklyn). But Alec's smile faltered as he realized what all of this meant.

Maybe… maybe Magnus _wasn't _like that with others at all. Maybe Magnus was just sensitive to _Alec's_ feelings and attentive of _Alec's_ needs. No one else's.

Alec stopped in his tracks as a sudden wave of nausea hit him. He wasn't sure if he was elated, or embarrassed, or angry, or afraid, or what. He couldn't remember a single time in his life when he had felt so many contradicting emotions at once.

He was tempted to fall right into the glaring sensation of fear and let it take over, let it compel him to tuck Magnus Bane away in some deep dark corner of his mind where he couldn't wreak any more havoc on his fragile nerves. Fear he could handle. Fear he knew all to well. Fear he understood. Fear and him were old friends. But after spending the evening basking in such open, honest introspection, Alec couldn't let himself take the easy way out.

Suddenly aware that he was standing stock-still on the sidewalk as the sky had begun to become several shades lighter, Alec spotted a bench up in the distance. He quickly shuffled over to it and took a seat, his legs tingling from the long slow-paced walk. He decided it was finally time to ask himself the question he'd been mentally hedging for days.

He said the words out loud as though the darkness would swallow it whole and spit back out an answer.

"How do I... What do I feel for Magnus Bane?"

He waited. But he knew it wasn't going to be that easy. It's not like he could just ask his subconscious and it would respond with a nice neat one-sentence reply. That's not how the whole inner-turmoil thing worked. Anyways, it wasn't that clear-cut with Magnus.

There was_ something_ there, of course. Something that hovered in the air between them as they spoke, something lighting a spark in their eyes as they held each others' gazes, something that caused Alec's blood to gush, hot, through his veins at every casual brush or touch. No, Alec couldn't deny it, no matter how much a part of him wanted to. There was definitely something, something new, and real, and absolutely terrifying happening between him and Magnus Bane.

Each time he encountered the warlock found Alec feeling even more violently nervous and anxious than the time before. The warlock unsettled him, no doubt. Magnus took him out of his comfort zone, repeatedly, knowingly, and seemed to thoroughly enjoy doing so. But it was more than that.

Like tonight. Alec had gone to that café a complete mess. But, somehow, Magnus had managed to calm him, gotten him to talk about that night, gotten him to talk about his entire life, dragged out his secrets and hidden thoughts. And Alec had been a willing participant, eager to lay himself completely bare to the warlock.

Those few hours, he had been entirely fearless, overcoming the perpetual state of insecurity that had thus far defined him.

Alec knew what that meant. He knew. And though it scared him, he couldn't help feeling a bit hopeful as well.

Alec got up from the bench and walked on, eventually turning onto his street, the Institute just up ahead. As he closed the distance he looked up at the grand building and on a whim tried to momentarily stop his mind from seeing through the glamour. He squinted with effort as he tried to see the dilapidated cathedral that every mundie saw as they passed. It had been over a decade since the last time anything less than an extremely powerful glamour had fooled him. He stood there on the dark sidewalk, dimly lit by a few stray streetlights lining the road. He tried again and again to will his eyes to lose their Sight.

After a time, he felt the cold of the night seeping through his thin jacket, causing a fresh set of goose bumps to cover his arms. He sighed and decided to stop fighting himself.

Clearly, once you see the truth, there's no going back, no deluding yourself.

Why would he want to lose his Sight anyways? That broken down building, along with all glamour, was just a fake visage - false and superficial. A lie, meant to keep the squeamish and faint of heart from having to deal with the dangers of reality.

All Alec had to do now was to find out if he was one of the cowardly masses or if he was as brave as Magnus seemed to think he was. Was he ready to open his eyes and submit to the truth and everything that would surely come with it? Because once he gave in—there was no turning back.

Alec walked towards the doorway, a sleepy grin gracing his face at the thought of spending the next twelve hours catching up on lost sleep.


	15. These Things I Can't Describe

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

"ALEC! WILL YOU GET UP ALREADY?"

Alec's eyes flew open and he set up in bed, searching around him in a moment of panic. He took a second to remember where he was… in his bed, trying to get some sleep. He looked over at his clock, ignoring the consistent knocking at his door.

7 AM.

He hadn't even been asleep a full hour and Isabelle was already screeching at him to get up.

Alec was too tired to respond, she would go away eventually. He grabbed his pillow and held it tight over his head to block out the noise.

"ALEC!"

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

"I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS, OKAY? I KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE!... AND WHY THE HELL IS YOUR DOOR LOCKED IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

_**BANG**_

_To keep you out_, Alec thought angrily. The pillow was useless... and it sounded like the wood of his door wasn't going to last long against Isabelle's assault.

"Isabelle," He finally managed to croak out, his throat still sore from all the talking he had done last night, "I'm not going to training today, so can you just leave me alone and let me sleep?"

He peaked out from under his pillow to look at the door for a second. She had fallen silent and he was hoping she had finally backed off.

But then he heard the door shake as she jangled the knob from the other side.

"ALEC!"

_Should of known better, _he thought bitterly.

"AARGH! Fine Isabelle! Fine!" He threw his pillow on the ground and kicked his covers off of himself, trying to ignore the dizziness he felt as he jumped up too quickly. Angel, he needed to sleep…

He walked over to the door and swung it wide open, immediately launching into a sleep-deprived rant, "Happy now? For ONCE I wanted to sleep in, to relax, to have one freaking morning to myself, but you-" He glared at her and stopped mid sentence, words stuck in his throat.

"You look terrible, Iz." He finished. She rolled her eyes as he took in her appearance. She wasn't dressed for training, that much was obvious. She was in a rumpled set of baggy pajamas he hadn't seen her wear in ages and her hair, normally obnoxiously perfect, was the epitome of bed-head.

She narrowed her eyes at him and responded, "You weren't the only one who was planning to skip training this morning."

"Then why are you banging on my door at daybreak?"

"It's not training."

"What is it then?"

"Jace." Isabelle looked as irritated as Alec felt, but he was too tired to play nice.

"Of course its Jace. But you're going to have to be more specific than that if you expect me to reconsider slamming the door in your face, placing a silencing rune on the door frame and slipping back into my bed."

The response must have taken Isabelle by surprise because her eyes suddenly focused in on Alec as she scrutinized him.

"Well aren't we testy this morning?" She said, raising her eyebrows as she continued to size Alec up.

"I told you, I want to sleep in." _So go away already, _he added mentally.

"Huh. That's unusual. I don't think I remember you ever missing training… and now that you mention it… you do look a bit rough." She paused, a playful smile spreading across her face, "You look like you didn't get much sleep."

She was enjoying this too much for Alec's tastes. And she was giving him _that look_. He knew _that look._ He decided it would be safer to play defense.

"You're one to talk Isabelle. You look like you're about to fall asleep standing."

"True." Isabelle replied, completely unfazed. "That's because I had an amazing night." She smiled mischievously.

"Who is it this time?" Alec rolled his eyes. He was no stranger to Isabelle's exploits. She was almost as bad as Jace. Almost. "One of the fey, again? You seem to like them... or are you going for the dark side... a bloodsucker maybe?" _Or, if you're especially stupid, maybe a warlock, _he berated himself silently.

"Something like that. You know me so well Alec." She was grinning like a fool now. No shame, no hesitation, no embarrassment. Just then he envied her something dreadful.

"How was _your _long night?" She asked with a look of faux-innocence.

He took a second to contemplate answering honestly, but shut the idea down as soon as it entered his head.

"My night was short and boring. I probably fell asleep before Max's bedtime."

"Alec. You look like death."

"Yeah, well I kept waking up... it wasn't a very restful sleep. Which is why I wanted to sleep in." He hated lying to Isabelle. Mostly because he was bad at it. Very, very bad at it.

Isabelle gave him a sad smile. "I heard footsteps heading to your room way after I got home last night. I got a bit nervous at first but when I opened my door to look, it was you. Fully dressed. Walking to your room like a zombie. You looked like you'd just come in."

Alec's eyes widened in shock. He hadn't heard or seen anything when he was coming in. How did he not hear her? She saw him. Did any one else see him? Hodge? Jace?

Isabelle seemed to read the fear in his eyes, "Don't worry. I wouldn't of even noticed if I wasn't already awake and on my phone. I'm sure no one else heard you come in."

Alec tried to hide his relief as he improvised another weak lie. "I was just coming back from the bathroom. I didn't mean to disturb you." _Shit_. That made no sense. She already said that he was fully dressed.

"I mean-"

"Alec." Isabelle starred him into silence. She was trying to cox him into telling her what he was hiding. He knew how this went. It was how she had first gotten him to confess his attachment to Jace. But he wasn't falling for it this time.

"Isabelle." He responded firmly. A very clear warning in his tone. _**Back off.**_

They stared at each other for another beat before Isabelle gave up. "Right. I get it." She said icily, "You were going to the bathroom. Whatever, Alec. Do what you want, then. Don't tell me. Keep it bottled up like everything else." She turned away and began walking down the hall.

"That's not-" Alec tried to cut in, feeling guilty for not letting her in on every detail of one of the most unbelievable nights of his life. "Isabelle wait-"

"Jace and Clary are waiting." She said over her shoulder, "Let's go."

Great, she was pissed now. Alec knew better than to try reasoning with Isabelle when she was angry. He decided it would be better to give her some time to cool off. They could talk about this later. When she was ready. When he was ready.

He followed Isabelle towards the stairs, hoping whatever Jace wanted wouldn't take too long.


End file.
